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Powerful questions make a big difference. They can unlock doors
that the best statements cannot penetrate. One of the cardinal rules of
creative writing is "Show, don't tell." Likewise, one of the cardinal
rules of coaching is "Ask, don't tell."
Never tell a person something they can discover on their own.
Think back on your teachers in college or high school. Who taught you the
most? The teacher who read his notes aloud while you dutifully copied down
information? Or the one who managed to launch a spirited, relevant
discussion in which the students did most of the talking and arrived at
their own conclusions? Good coaches, like good teachers, ask instead of
tell. They push, challenge, and even play devil's advocate to make sure
you've thought through your position thoroughly.
So what makes a question good? Good questions don't have to be
complicated to be powerful-- simple queries like, "So what's next?" can
produce a wealth of insight and change. In fact, one simple rule of thumb
will carry you far: ask open-ended questions.
An open-ended question is one that cannot be answered with yes or
no. If you ask someone, "What issues do you see as the most critical right
now?" they must think independently and generate options. On the other
hand, if you ask, "Don't you think meeting our budget is the most critical
issue right now?" the person can only answer yes or no-- and based on the
way the question was phrased, they might easily assume the right answer is
yes.
Many questions serve to limit options or elicit predetermined
answers. Think of a trial attorney's cross-examination: "Did you or did
you not pick up the knife?" The yes/no response that is called for
eliminates any chance for explanation of circumstances-- the question was
designed to trap. On the other hand, the defense attorney may ask the same
question in a different way, an open-ended way designed to allow the
witness to be heard: "Tell us, in your own words, what happened when you
walked into the room."
Many times we fall unconsciously into a pattern of asking closed
questions. We ask, "Do you want to address this issue next week?" instead
of "What would you like to address next week?" We're all guilty of it
sometimes. The only solution is awareness and practice. We need to catch
ourselves asking yes/no questions and think of ways to rephrase them as
open-ended questions.
Remember that coaches ask questions for the purpose of helping
the other person discover what God wants them to do. Use people's own
stories and experiences to draw feelings, desires and goals out of them.
Let's say someone had a bad experience at church. She had wanted to help
out with the hospitality team before and after the service, but instead
had a conflict with the person leading that ministry. Her coach could ask,
"How did that make you feel?" "What would you have liked to have been
different?" "How could you approach it differently?" Those questions serve
to draw out her own experiences and feelings.
One of the added benefits of asking good questions is decreased
pressure on the coach. One of the biggest reasons people avoid stepping
into a leadership role like coaching is the fear of not having all the
answers. A coach doesn't have to have the answers, only the questions. For
most coaches, that's a big relief.
I've discovered both personally and professionally how powerful
asking good questions can be. When I summarize what others are saying,
invite them to say more, and keep unpacking their resources, they will
solve their own problems 70% to 80% of the time without any input from me.
In almost half of those cases, they'll shake my hand and say, "Thank you
so much for your input," not realizing that I have provided no direction
whatsoever.
For practice, take the closed questions below and rewrite them as
open-ended questions:
• Are you going to advertise to bring in more people?
• Have you tried talking with him about it?
• Are you praying about the situation?
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The above
excerpt was taken from Coaching 101 by Robert E. Logan and
Sherilyn Carlton. Coaching 101 takes readers step by step
through the coaching process in a way that makes it readily
applicable to real life ministry situations. Coaching 101 is
available in English from
ChurchSmart Resources and in German from CoachNet DACH. Spanish
version coming soon!
Copyright 2003: Robert E. Logan and Sherilyn Carlton, ChurchSmart
Publishers, used by permission.
[Another chapter will follow
in eNCDine February 2005 ] |
Robert E. Logan is the executive director of CoachNet International
Ministries and provides training, consulting, coaching and resources to
over 40 denominations.
Sherilyn Carlton is an experienced life and leadership coach
("Destination Coaching"). Both authors are based in the USA. |
